Archive for September, 2010

One of my good friends is in the hospital since yesterday. Her stomach hurt really bad since Thursday, so she decided it would be better to see a doctor. Actually it was better, because she had to go under surgery yesterday. When I visited her in the hospital today and she told me the whole story of her condition, I actually began to wonder what I will do in the future when something like this happens to me!

In Germany I would surely just go and see a doctor or go to the hospital, but in the US I would be pretty unsecure if I had ugly pains. It is pretty scary to think about going to a hospital in a country where you can’t understand any medical language. For sure my english is pretty good and I normally understand nearly everything, but guess what the only TV series is I can’t fully understand – it’s Grey’s Anatomy.

Sure all the doctors in this series are charming and so willing to explain every condition a hundred times, if the patient needs it. But I know from german hospitals that this is fiction. And that reality is cruel. Perhaps I should get some kind of medical dictionary to be prepared for future visits to the hospital, but I don’t think that this would make it less scarier for me.

It’s very likely that my first visit to a hospital in the US will be the birth of our first child one day and in that situation I might be better off with not understanding everything. But till then I will try to hold my unrealistic image of every american hospital being like the Seattle Grace alive and keep on dreaming of a charming Patrick Dempsey giving birth to my first child one day. The time to wake up from this dream will come soon enough.

Since like the day of our last six months in Germany began, I am kind of waiting for the big panic to arrive. I wait for the first time I feel that this isn’t right, that I won’t bear to leave my family and friends and that the panic of not getting a job and living on the street will overwhelm me. But guess what: The panic seems to be busy with someone else, because it just doesn’t show up at my place!

Everytime I see Los Angeles on TV, hear songs that make me think of the US or talk to someone about it, I suddenly get so excited and happy. Yes, I sometimes am scared, because there is so much left for us to do. Because we have one hell of a journey in front of us. But I never feel afraid. I feel happy. Happier than I have been for a long time!

People always say that you know right away when you found your love. I actually were so lucky to find my true love and knew it very very early. Perhaps what I feel right now is just fate telling me that is what I have always been meant to do. That the US is my destiny. Shortly before Flo and I got married in 2009 I also sat there and waited. Waited for the panic of spending my life with one person to arrive. Waiting for myself to point out everything that might be wrong about our marriage plans. But that never happened. I never seriously considered calling off our engagement for a second!

I never was one to believe in fate. Not, because I don’t wanted to – I just never met fate! But now I know that fate exists! That fate leads us in the right directions and just gives us a feeling for what we have to do and what we better shouldn’t do! My fate was to marry Flo – so I did. My fate is to go to the Us – so I will! Perhaps I may meet panic on the way, but will it stop me? NO!

In the last couple of weeks we coincidently showed our vacation pictures to several of our friends that hadn’t seen them, yet. And seeing those pictures of us in Florida and California suddenly made me realize how much I already miss my future home country. When I see these pictures I remember the way Flo and I felt when being there – and I guess it is not only the country that I miss, but more the way how happy, comfortable and careless I felt when being there. And that makes me think a lot!

Will I feel the same way when I actually live in the US? Or will I look at pictures from Germany and be homesick for everything I had in my old live then? Right now I think about the US a lot. About how it will feel to pick my parents up at LAX for the first time. About what I will want to show my parents and friends when they come to visit. About how our lives will be like in California. And about how our relationship will develop with all these hard and exciting days ahead of us.

Everyone tells us how brave we are to actually do this. I don’t think that we are brave! I don’t feel like I am doing a brave thing. I think we are only doing what we have to do! We have to take this chance. We have to try out our luck, try living our dreams and try to find somewhere to call home.

Right now my parents-in-law are doing a little round trip from Los Angeles to San Diego. I am so jealous. But not only, because they are in the area that I miss so much right now. But because I would so love to be there with them and show them everything that makes my heart beat like crazy.

I hope that they will develop a even bigger love for Orange County than they already have throughout their vacation, because I want them and everyone else I love to visit us as often as possible and see and understand why we wanted to make our dreams come true!