Archive for July, 2012

After a lot of back and forth Flo and I decided to go home for christmas – again. We actually had planned on not doing that anymore for a few reasons, but recently we both more and more become cool with the idea of visiting our old home again. A few reasons spoke for going back for christmas, but the strongest ones were definitely seeing our friends and family. I have been a little homesick lately and really need some quality time – other than on Skype – with the people I love most. Another factor is that a lot of our friends are having babies recently. This is one of the really hard sides of moving away from home.

When we first moved here my brother already had two kids and it really broke my heart to leave Germany with the knowledge that I won’t really see those two grow up. Missing people and missing out on milestones like that is something you try to prepare yourself for. But you can’t really imagine how hard it is to really be away and miss everything. One of our really good friends for example just had her baby a few weeks ago and it still breaks my heart that I never actually saw her pregnant. I actually saw her last christmas, but at that time I didn’t know she was pregnant yet. This christmas we will see her and her husband as parents with a few months old baby. We will see our friends in a totally different stage of their lives. And we weren’t able to accompany them on the way there.

I am more than happy to see that all our good friendships in Germany are still going strong and I am sure they will still be in a few years – even with us being thousands of miles away. But it still makes me feel a little guilty that I am not there for my friends. Not in the good times, not in the hard times. And this is why I am going home for christmas. To make at least a little up for the time I missed and enjoy slipping into my old life again. Only for two weeks – but still.

Lately we’ve been having a little rough patch, so for this weekend we decided to only do whatever we felt like doing. Normally we plan little trips for the weekend, like going to the beach, doing a hike or something like that. But this weekend we weren’t in a planning mood at all. Saturday we woke up late, called our parents in Germany and after that ran the day pretty easy. We had to go and buy groceries and also lay outside in the sun for a little bit. But that was about it.

Today we slept in even longer and had a nice breakfast on the couch after we woke up. We actually meant to go to the beach, but saw that a movie we liked showed on HBO, so we decided to watch it. At around 2pm we went outside to the pool and sunbathed for about an hour. After that we got dressed, drove down to the Beverly Center, had some Frozen Yogurt and did a little shopping. When we sat outside in the sun, eating our favorite treat Frozen Yogurt, Flo said that this is something he loves LA for. If you feel lazy on a Sunday you can just lounge by the pool, get a tasty treat like Frozen Yogurt and go shopping for a bit.

Sometimes I really get caught up with reality and forget to enjoy the beauty of this amazing city I live in. There are so many enjoyable things here that one forgets way too easy. LA is an ouststanding city that offers many things that you can explore and enjoy. Never forget that – even if life tries to sidetrack you!

Every german (or foreign) person we know over here always tells us how weird and hard it is to feel torn between two countries. I never really understood that, but lately I can kind of relate to what people mean with that. I told you before that I am battling a little Homesickness and through this I really feel torn between two homes: The one that I left to leave here and my new home LA. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret moving here at all, but sometimes I think about what would happen, if I would move back. I know and hope that how I feel now is only temporary and I find it very natural. We don’t plan on moving back anytime soon, but even if I just think about that it breaks my heart. Because during the last 18 months we already build a life, a career and a whole living for us over here. And I would never be able to just go and leave all of this behind.

This feeling of missing one place, but not even being able to think about leaving the other makes me feel very torn in between. It is probably exactly what people always warned me about. But it still surprises me how weird this feels. I can not at all answer the question, if we will live here in the US forever. For now it feels perfectly right and I can’t even imagine to give up the career I build myself over here in the last year and also I got so used to all the good things the US has to offer. But thinking about what will be in 10 or 20 years, I have no idea where life will take me.

Being an emigrant brings so many never before felt feelings with it and it always keeps on surprising me. It’s a never ending lesson that you have to learn. But it is the most exciting and usefull lesson I have ever learned in my life!