Torn in between
Every german (or foreign) person we know over here always tells us how weird and hard it is to feel torn between two countries. I never really understood that, but lately I can kind of relate to what people mean with that. I told you before that I am battling a little Homesickness and through this I really feel torn between two homes: The one that I left to leave here and my new home LA. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret moving here at all, but sometimes I think about what would happen, if I would move back. I know and hope that how I feel now is only temporary and I find it very natural. We don’t plan on moving back anytime soon, but even if I just think about that it breaks my heart. Because during the last 18 months we already build a life, a career and a whole living for us over here. And I would never be able to just go and leave all of this behind.
This feeling of missing one place, but not even being able to think about leaving the other makes me feel very torn in between. It is probably exactly what people always warned me about. But it still surprises me how weird this feels. I can not at all answer the question, if we will live here in the US forever. For now it feels perfectly right and I can’t even imagine to give up the career I build myself over here in the last year and also I got so used to all the good things the US has to offer. But thinking about what will be in 10 or 20 years, I have no idea where life will take me.
Being an emigrant brings so many never before felt feelings with it and it always keeps on surprising me. It’s a never ending lesson that you have to learn. But it is the most exciting and usefull lesson I have ever learned in my life!