In my first months in the USA I was terrified to be alone with an American. Not alone like being in the elevator with someone. But alone like in the car with someone or alone getting lunch with a colleague. I was always afraid to not being able to understand that someone, not being able to keep a conversation going or just afraid of talking weird english. I was equally terrified to meet new people.

I don’t know when it happened, but this week I realized that I haven’t felt like this in a long time. If I get to drive one of my colleagues home after work, I actually enjoy the conversation and don’t even think about how my english might sound. Also meeting new people is no longer a stressful situation, but a really nice and exciting thing to do.

I actually believe that this kind of makes the US more home to me than a comfortable apartment for example can. Because without feeling comfortable speaking a new language and without being comfortable talking to the people that surround you, I don’t think you can call a place home! At least to me the fact that my panic mode is no longer turned on means the world! And it also makes me feel proud. Proud of being able to say I let my guard down and through that not even gained a whole lot of confidence, but also new friends!

I actually waited for this to happen, but now that it’s really happening it creeps me out a bit. As the headline already says: My language barrier is finally beginning to crack. And with that I don’t mean that i had big problems speaking english before. The only problem was that I didn’t really feel comfortable doing it. I think it is absolutely normal to feel this way in the beginning and everyone who already moved to the US might now what I am talking about: The biggest problem you will have with the language is that you don’t feel comfortable speaking it. I always listen to myself while I talk, think oh my god I sound horrible and then begin to get insecure about it and talk crap.

But this week I had more than one moment where I kind of caught myself speaking english as if it were the most natural thing ever! I found myself in the middle of a conversation before I even realized that I wasn’t talking german, but english. And this feels amazing and strange at the same time! I really waited for that damn uncomfortable feeling to go away for a long time. But now that it begins to vanish I want to hold on to it for a bit longer.

As you may know Flo and I had a real easy start here in the US and so far everything worked out perfect. But there still are things that make me realize again and again that this is not our home country. The language was one part of that. And with every barrier falling down this whole emigration thing becomes more and more real! And that is kind of scary! Even if I still love being caught in this whole adventure!

So, Flo and me will board a plane to our last vacation before the US tomorrow. We will fly to London for a long New Year’s weekend and visit my best friend Petra and her boyfriend Robert. I am so looking forward to this. Not only because I will see my best friend one last time before our big adventure. But also because this will be our last weekend without organising stuff for our emigration.

Right now – only four weeks before we leave Germany for good – everything centers around the emigration. There is no single day on which the topic won’t come up or on which we don’t have to deal with something regarding the US. So it is nice to have a little and last break in the next days.

Especially because what lies ahead of us. I never had such an exiting year lying ahead of me. So much will happen next year. I really can’t wait for it, but at the same time this huge perspective is kind of scary. Being around Petra right now may be the best thing for both Flo and me, because she already emigrated to two different countries, has no plans on moving back to her home country in the next years and kind of knows how we feel right now and how she can help or just courage us. Also being around her english boyfriend is a good exercise for our english skills.

I will not take my laptop with me to London and will not post a new blog till next week. Therefor I want to wish everyone a very happy New Year’s Eve and a wonderful, exciting and successful 2011! See you on the other side