Posts Tagged ‘miles away’

These days I am kind of emotional. The birth of my little nephew again made me realize how fast my last year in Germany is running by and how soon I will be separated from my family and friends. I had a long talk with my friend Petra in London, who told me about an article she read about how women tend to stick to friendships just for the sake of not losing them and not because of their “quality”. This is a big issue for me considered that I will be a thousand miles away from my friends very soon.

I think especially at my age when you get married, start your own family, have to work overtime etc. you come to realize who the people are which you can count on the most. I call myself lucky to have many great friends and I am a hundred percent sure that I will not lose the closest of them during the whole emigration process. But there are also some friends I am nearly a hundred percent sure to lose in the next couple of years.

I would describe myself as a very emotional and sensible person when it comes to dealing with problems in a friendship. Nearly every fight with close friends makes my stomach twist for days and kills me from the inside. But in the last couple of months I noticed a change in me dealing with this kind of problems. I grew much more confident and am not so afraid to let go friends anymore. I guess this is one of the best changes I can make before moving away to another continent. I know from friends experiences that – especially as an emigrant – you realize very fast who your real friends are and I don’t want myself to get even more emotionally injured, than I already will be.

So even if it is a hard thing to do, I guess I should cut off some time I used to spend with worrying about different friendships and spend much more quality time with the people I really love and who honestly love me back!

This thursday at around 5 am my little nephew Frederik Oskar was born. He is the second child for my brother and his wife and the first sibling for their 2-year-old daughter Martha Charlotte. I am very happy for them that they now have both girl and boy at home and I am excited as hell for the new member of our family. But at the same time it nearly breaks my heart to know that I also have to leave behind those two awfully young kids when I move to California next year.

I myself have an aunt who lives in Utah. For me this was always kind of super cool, because I got to tell people that I have relatives in the US and I was always super excited when she came back to Germany to visit the family. I am already very worried about how my parents, my parents-in-law, every other member of my family and my friends will deal with the fact that I will live thousands of miles away. But I am actually worried the most about this two little children.

My niece is a really shy kid and I don’t see her very often, so I am not at all an aunt she loves and looks up to by now. I am so afraid that I will not be able to bond more with her in this last short year here in Germany. And I am even more worried to not ever have the chance to bond with my little nephew! It brings me to tears when I picture that these kids might be grow up with the the knowledge of having an aunt in America who sends packages and can be visited eventually, but will have no clue about who I am and how I am based on their own memories.

I know that moving abroad for good is not an easy thing to do and that there are more negative than positive sides about it in the beginning. I also know that the loss of my family and my friends will be the hardest thing for me to deal with ever! But i have made this decision and now I have to live with it. Live with the scars and eventually live with the benefits of all the compromises I made!